Alone
by epsilonvita
Summary: Logan Mitchell is a loner. After an unfortunate event, his parents send him to a center to get over his depression instead of moving to college to fulfill his dream. He reluctantly goes, determined to prove everyone wrong and leave this place as soon as possible. What happens, though, when he meets there James Diamond, his complete opposite? AU/Slash
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Well, I had this idea in my head for a couple of weeks and I finally decided to write it down because it was slowly building itself in my mind and I started forgetting scenes. So here we are. I have even started writing chapter 2, but continuing it depends on the feedback this first chapter will receive(if it does anyway). Rated M because of later chapters and angst because sometimes Logan has issues...  
Let me know what you think. It will be really, REALLY appreciated.  
Oh and I do not own Big Time Rush.

Okay, hope you enjoy!

* * *

Logan Mitchell was always the antisocial bunny. He kept ignoring all people. People that wanted to become his friends, people that bullied him, people that cared, people that tried to take his place as the best student in class. Even if Logan considered talking to them, he had this lump in his throat, that knob that was tightening painfully every time he thought about opening his mouth.

Logan would only talk to his family. His mum and dad never suspected anything. When Logan was a kid he used to talk briefly with the other children at parties, at small gatherings, at celebrations at kindergarten maybe. He only did it because his parents were pushing him in his fellow classmates' groups and started conversations with them leaving Logan to continue. Logan hated it.

In junior school, his parents weren't around as much, so Logan felt free to be himself. He avoided every conversation with a mumbled excuse and hid in the toilets until the bell rang. He might have been the only person in the entire world that felt happy to hear the school bell ring signaling the end of the break. Logan would ran back in his classroom and sit at the desk he shared with no one else but his school bag at the very front of the class. He would march his – at least ten – perfectly sharpened pencils on his desk, pile up the subject's books and notebooks in front of him and impatiently wait for the teacher to walk in the classroom so he could start learning.

By the end of junior school Logan had made no friends. Sure lots of his classmates, boys and girls, had tried to approach him, but they failed miserably. He became the nerd of his class and soon enough he was being called names behind his back. As they were growing up, some boys became really disturbing. Finding his school bag in the trash can, his notebooks ripped, his pencils broken in half and names being written on his desk was a routine for Logan. It only made him hate people more. It confirmed his theories about the cruel world he lived in.

When his parents asked him about bringing any friends home to hang or if he would like to throw a party and invite his whole class, he would fake illness. Sometimes his mum found out, but some others she didn't. She never told Logan though, she thought he might have his reasons.

In high school things remained the same. But no, that is a lie. Things got worse. Logan was being bullied to the point of asking his parents to enroll him to another school. His parents refused to do it until they heard the whole story with every detail, if it was possible. Logan never before had talked to his parents about being bullied. When he told them the serious incidents, they couldn't believe in their ears. They both had hugged their son tight and his father told him "everything will be okay, son." And Logan believed him.

The new school was much better. The students there already had their friends and no one was interested in Logan or becoming his friend. His parents hoped otherwise.  
Another thing Logan was happy about was that the boys wouldn't even bother to bully him. He had earned a few strange looks and he had heard being called "weirdo", but who cares? He became the best student in his class and the second best couldn't even compete.

Logan focused on his studies and spent hours in the local library, studying books of various subjects until his attention got caught by medical books and encyclopedias. He found surgeries intriguing and soon studying them wasn't enough. One day, after school, he followed a different way home. He stopped outside the DVD Club of his neighbourhood and walked in hesitantly. He found by himself the section where all the medical related DVDs were kept and he chose three or four before queuing to rent them. Easy task for normal people, but Logan was not a normal person so he mumbled a "Hi" and passed his ID card instead of telling his name and needed information, before leaving without saying anything else. That night he watched all of them and everything was making sense now, he felt like his life was beginning to point in a direction. He wanted to become a doctor.

His classmates were talking about new technology and computers. Logan was not a technology friendly person, he didn't own any devices. He preferred his books and the library, but a girl mentioned something about being able to see whatever you want on the internet and Logan's mind immediately connected this with surgery videos. He knew movies were fake and that the actors weren't really doctors, they weren't really worried about making a mistake or cutting the wrong vein, that it was all part of a scenario. He wanted to see how real doctors reacted, what they would do if they really were losing a patient. Logan found himself, for the very first time in his life, wanting to really talk to someone, to ask questions that weren't about the lesson. He couldn't though, his body wouldn't let him. He stopped taking notes and stretched his ears, focused on their conversation instead of what the professor was lecturing.

Logan went home that day and finished all his homework in no time. He had decided that at dinner he would talk to his parents about wanting to become a surgeon and he would request a computer.

His father was working at the coffee shop at the corner of the street and his mother was a secretary at a lawyer's office. The Mitchells owned a little two-story house – his mother had inherited it – since their marriage. Logan grew up there as an only child and his parents tried to raise him carefully not spoiling him. They were more than satisfied with their son, he had made them proud countless of times in those past sixteen years and he was their treasure. They lived plainly and that is why their two average wages were more than enough to spend each month. They saved a small amount of money each time they received their monthly income for Logan. They intended on sending him to college right after he graduated high school. They knew he would become something big.

They were all seated at the dinning table when Logan spoke.

"Mum. Dad. I have something to tell you." he announced.

"What is it, honey?" his mother asked while serving the salad. His dad was cutting his stake, but his ears were focused on his son.

"I, I um, decided what I want to do in my life," he continued not as strong as he started. He wasn't afraid to tell them, there wasn't something bad about it, but he knew they would do anything to support him and he also knew they were working hard already. Now his mother had placed the bowl on the table and his father had let down his cutlery and they were both looking at Logan.

"Go on, son," his father encouraged once he saw Logan hesitating to continue.

Logan took a deep breath, "I want to become a doctor. A surgeon actually."

His parents turned to look at each other before smiling widely as if their son just told them he found a cure for an incurable disease. Logan had to clear his throat loudly to gain their attention and hopefully a response. His mother was the first to speak.

"Baby, we know,"

"You know? How?"

"I was tidying up your room the other day and I found medical books and movies under your pillow, under your bed...I also found your Logan's-Future List-"

"Mum!" Logan interrupted, eyes wide.

"I know, I know you hate it when I mess with your room, but I came across them and I couldn't keep myself from peeking," she apologized.

"It's okay, mum," Logan said in a low voice with flushed cheeks.

"Logan," his father started, "we always knew you would want to become something big, we expected it," he smiled, "in two years we will have the money needed for you to move to college-"

"No, Dad, please. I will find a job, I will earn my own money. I don't want to burden you with more expenses," Logan just wanted them to know, he had no one else to tell after all.

"Honey," his mother reached to take her son's hand into her own, "as your father said, we've been expecting this, we've got our savings for you."

"But, how? How-"

"Parents know, honey, they always do," she interrupted and gave his hand a kiss before letting it go, "now let's eat before it gets cold."

Logan felt relief. He was so lucky to have his parents to support him and look out for him. The computer idea flew out of the window, never mind, he could use the library's. Logan now knew there was nothing he could keep from his parents and when he heard at school about other parents that constantly fought, beat their children, owed their homes to the banks, were picky with jobs even though they had nothing to eat and discouraged their children's dreams, he felt so much gratitude for his own family that his heart was ready to explode.

Months passed, a whole year passed and then some more months. Logan was now in his senior year and he was still alone. Sometimes he felt jealous that his classmates had developed the bond of friendship and that he wasn't part of it. Sometimes he needed someone to talk to, but not his parents. He needed someone to share his thoughts, his dreams, his expectations, his findings with. But Logan was a hard nut to crack. He could manage. He started a diary at the age of seventeen and a half. There he kept everything important, he wrote about his days, about the new students that his class had this year, about the part time summer job he had, about the computer he bought with his own money. He wrote about his sexuality.

Through high school, lots of girls had tried to flirt with him, tried to touch him in any way. Logan never gave a second thought about turning them all down. They were distracting him from keeping notes too, that was rude of them. He had seen girls crying and swearing to God that they would kill some boy – their ex probably – for various reasons and he never liked the drama. He had connected relationships with whiny chicks that each week had a new boyfriend. That was definitely a waste of time. Logan wanted to become a doctor, doctors don't have time for such things.

Logan was watching a video on his computer one night – heart surgery. He was anxious through it and the doctors' and nurses' rushed actions and words were making him even more. Finally after two hours, the surgery was over and the woman was saved. Logan needed a couple more minutes for his heart to calm down and he took a few deep breaths. That was a rather difficult surgery.

The surgery was over, but the video was not. The camera man was following the doctor out of the surgery room where two nurses were waiting for him. They immediately run up to him, the one took off his bloody gloves and threw them away while the other one took off his mask. The doctor looked young, probably around the age of thirty, – quite young for the lead surgeon, Logan thought – dark brown hair, sea blue eyes, skin pale white. The nurses kept undressing the surgeon, throwing all the pieces of the dirty blue uniform in the trash can. Then suddenly Logan's breath caught in his throat. This man was wearing only a pair of dark blue jeans under the filthy uniform and Logan could see how strong, well-built his body was. His arm muscles prominent, his abdomen must have suffered a lot of exercise too and his back was wide and muscly.

The surgeon moved to the big sink and one of the nurses gave him a white soap. He took it and started rubbing his hands together with it, his arms and back flexing with each movement. Now that the camera man moved, from the new angle, Logan could see sweat on the man's forehead and back, sliding down his spine until the beads disappeared on the waistband of his jeans. These jeans were hugging his ass so perfectly and his thighs too. Huh?

Logan squeaked and pushed himself back with so much force that his chair hit his bed and fell to the side. Logan groaned when he felt sharp pain hit his head. He stood up carefully, he felt dizzy. Logan pulled the chair up, placed it in from of his desk again and took a seat. Only this time it wasn't so comfortable. Hand still massaging his head, Logan looked down and saw a visible tent in his pajama pants. No, that wasn't possible. Why?

Then he looked at his computer screen. The doctor was buttoning up a white shirt while looking at the camera. He was...beautiful. He shot a smile at the camera and the camera man giggled. He moved closer and closer to the surgeon until the screen went black. The video wasn't over yet, it still had twenty seconds to play. Logan turned up the volume and stuck his ear against the speakers. What he heard next was the sound of a kiss followed by two sentences he didn't expect to hear, but made his heart skip a beat.

"_I love you._"

"_I love you, too._"

Basically, yes. Logan found out he was gay. Not only from this video. This just triggered his curiosity to find out. It crossed his mind once, when he caught himself licking his lips at the sight of one of his classmates playing football shirtless. That was no proof, though. He shook the thought away and it never came back. Until three years later. Now he knows why some mornings he woke up from a dream, about a doctor he saw on a video, hard. He knows why when Camille, one of the hottest girls in school, whispered to him dirty words and things she would do to him once they were alone, it did nothing to him.

Now Logan knew and he had no one to share it with. He couldn't tell his parents; he was too shy, too scared. He had no one. No one except his diary.

. . . .

Logan graduated five months ago. He turned eighteen one month ago and his new life was about to start in one week. He was moving to college. He was moving to college!

Logan was very excited. He even kissed the cashier at their local market that morning. He returned home, left the bags with the food his mum told him to buy on the kitchen counter and took two steps at a time to reach his bedroom quickly. When he opened the door he saw his mother sitting on his bed, crying. She cried a lot those days because her only son was moving out, but these were mostly tears of pride. What Logan saw and heard at that moment was sadness.

"Mum?" he walked further in. She didn't answer, she just continued crying. He took a few more steps towards her and his heart dropped in his stomach.

"You never told me," she choked out through sobs and tears, closing the little notebook and raising it for Logan to see.

"Mum, that is none of your business," he said and raised his hand to grab his diary. She moved it out of his reach.

"I am pretty sure my son's health is my business," she looked at him with swollen red eyes. Logan's heart broke.

"I am fine, mum," he tried to take his diary again, but she didn't let him.

"You are suffered depression, Logan. You still do," her last word broke and she started sobbing again, loudly. Logan didn't know what to do; hug her? Tell her she was wrong? Leave? He didn't know.

He sat next to her and said nothing. He waited for her to let it out.

"You know," she started, wiping her eyes with one hand, "I thought the reason you weren't talking to us the last two years, like you used to, was because you found a friend. I thought you had finally found a friend."

"I don't need a friend," Logan turned to look at her. Her eyes were so sad he couldn't look in them.

"Everybody needs a friend, Logan. Someone to rely on, someone to talk to,"

"I don't," he insisted.

She shook her head and tried to find his eyes that were avoiding hers. "That is not what you write in here," she stood up and moved to place the diary on Logan's desk, "I am so sorry, Logan. You are not moving to college."

Logan's head whipped up with wide eyes, silent tears already making their way down his cheeks.  
"What!" he shouted.

"I am sorry, I am not letting you go. You must get well first," she left Logan sitting on his bed, in shock and crying. This was worse than what he was living all these years. His own mother against him. Worse than anything he imagined happening in his life and he knew that when his father heard about it, it would become even worse. He closed his eyes and tried to stop the flow of his tears, but somehow they managed to escape his eyes.

"You are not sorry," he whispered and laid back on his bed. He buried his face into his pillow and started crying uncontrollably.

. . . .

"Honey, open up,"

"No!"

"We are not trying to punish you, you have to understand that,"

"Yes, you are!"

"Honey, please. We want to help you,"

"You want to get rid of me!"

His mother sighed, "We love y-"

"This is bullshit,"

"Logan!" now his father was pounding his fist on his son's door, "Open this door. Now!"

"Leave me alone!"

"I will break it down if I have to," his father threatened. To his surprise, Logan unlocked the door and opened it wide in a matter of seconds. He was in his pajamas, his hair was dirty and sticking in every direction, his eyes bloodshot. Logan's room was a mess. Clothes were on the floor, the window was fully open and the strong wind whipped the light blue curtains so hard they might fall off. His desk was full of small pieces of paper which the wind was spreading around the room and his bed was just a mattress. The comforter, the pillow were nowhere in sight.

"Okay," Logan started, his parents weren't going to interrupt him even though they were worried sick with what they saw, "I am going. But only because I don't want to see you for the time being," he clenched his teeth, "and because I want to go to college and I have no money for that."

His mother nodded rapidly and moved forward to hug her son tight. Logan didn't move, he didn't hug her back. He just wanted this to end. "It's for your own good, honey," she said and pulled back. She gave a kiss on her son's cheek and Logan rolled his eyes. His father said nothing, he just stared.

"You are leaving tomorrow morning. Get ready." his father finally said and once his wife walked out of the room he closed the door.

Logan was trying to hide in his room for a week, he was trying to avoid this, but he finally gave in. If his parents wanted him to leave and go stay in a center where anti-social, depressive people stayed for at least six months in order to go to college, then fine. He would also have his own therapist, who he already hated by the way. His mother thought he will make friends there, or just his therapist, it doesn't matter. She just wanted for her son to make one or two friends, to communicate.

But Logan didn't. He just wanted to be a doctor.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Well well look at that, a new chapter! Longer too. I really wanted to update this story weekly, but then an assignment happened and laboratories happened and all of these keep me away from my laptop and my writing. Still not done with my assignment so the next chapter might be a little late. Or it might not, who knows?

Anyway, what I want to point out, before you abandon this story, is that THIS IS STILL JAGAN. Don't get confused when you read this chapter. It's all Logan's fault, by the way, he always writes himself. I hope next chapter everything gets in line. Oh, also, if you are wondering about Carlos he will step in at some point *cough* Kenlos *cough*

Leave a review and tell me your opinion about this chapter or about what should happen in the next ones? Reviews keep me going and a huge thank you to the ones that reviewed/alerted/faved. I love you already, guys. Enjoy!

I do not own Big Time Rush or anything else you may recognise.

* * *

"At least three meals a day, okay Logan? Don't skip any of them. I know how these books of yours absorb you for hours and you lose the sense of time," Mrs. Mitchell was giving him rushed instructions the whole drive to the center. His father was driving silently and once in a while he glanced at Logan through the rear view mirror.

"Yeah, mum," Logan said for what seemed like the hundredth time and crossed his arms over his chest.

"We will come visit you every Sunday," she said after a few minutes of silence.

"Is this supposed to make me feel any better?"

"I hope," she answered hesitantly.

"Here we are," his father announced after making a right in a narrow road.

"This is it?" Logan asked in disbelief. The building on their left was a massive one. It stood prominent in the middle of a big estate with trees, colourful flowers, tall or short bushes planted along the path that led to what look like the main entrance which had three letters above it: MDC. It looked well tended. There was a white wooden fence along the perimeter of the estate. It didn't look like prison, but it felt like it. Logan looked up the tall building. It was like a hotel. There was a balcony for each room with a wooden table and two wooden chairs. The walls were painted white. This colour reminded Logan of hospitals, it felt familiar deep inside.

Logan didn't like hospitals when he was in as a patient. He never liked to be treated by others except his parents. What excited him was what happened behind closed doors. He might found out his passion at the age of sixteen, but when he was a kid he always tried to peek through the slowly closing doors. He always wondered how it would feel like to lose cautiousness before surgeries. Now he wondered how it would feel like to know that it depends on him if that patient will ever open their eyes again.

While driving closer, Logan saw six-year-old children playing in the front garden. They looked happy and they were talking with each other. They were playing hide and seek, Logan could see them running around trying to find a place to hide as one of them was covering its eyes with its palms.

Normally, a scene like this should bring memories of his own childhood. But all Logan could see was him playing alone, him eating alone, him trying to block out the kids that came to share their toys with him and for some reason he questioned himself after a long time: Did he push everyone away? Is that why he is alone?

No. Logan shook his head. People hated his company, he just knew. And to be honest, he was better off without friends. Better off without having the responsibility to talk to them, to hear their problems, to give good advice, to hang out with them, to see the movie they want to, to pay for their meal if their money is not enough, to share his birthday cake with. Maybe Logan was spoiled, after all.

He got out of the car and closed the door. He inhaled deeply. This scent wasn't familiar to Logan. The air was fresh, he could smell the flowers, the pollen, the wet ground. His ears caught the high pitched laugh of a kid, the birds' tweeting, the sound of the metal trunk being shut with force. Logan turned around to see his father walking his direction, carrying his suitcase.

"Let's go inside," he said and Logan followed.

A few steps away and he noticed his mother wasn't following. "Mum?" he turned his head to find his mum sitting in the car hiding her face from him. Logan immediately run back to the car, opened the passenger's door and attacked her in a bone-crashing hug. She hugged him back and she broke into loud sobs on his shoulder, "Mum, please don't cry."

"I am sorry," she cried.

"Don't be. I am fine, in a few months I will be back, you'll see. Nothing is wrong with me," Logan rubbed circles with his thumbs in her back.

"Logan, I am not blind."

"I am fine mum, I promise."

"You think you are fine, honey," she broke the embrace and looked her son in the eyes, "I spent so many hours at work that I missed it. But I can see it now. I should have been there for you, I should have encouraged you. What kind of mother am I?"

"No, no, no, mum, look at me. I am okay, I just don't like people and people don't like me, it's not a big deal and it's definitely not your fault."

She shook her head, "That is what I mean, Logan. If I was there for you, you wouldn't have this false idea about life and people. You don't let anyone like you. I could see it when you were five, but I thought you needed your time, that eventually you would open up, let people in. But no, I failed you Logan and I am sorry," she hugged Logan again and she cried some more. Logan was speechless. What could he say really? Logan was pretty sure that his character's development was mainly his issue. He chose this life, he chose to block everyone out. He liked being alone. He didn't need anyone else. His parents' love was enough. It should be enough. He felt like it was enough.

And he hoped he was right.

"Why do I have to stay here? Can't you help me?" this was more of a loud thought.

"I don't want to risk doing something wrong. Here, these people are specialists, they know how to help."

"But mum-"

"Please promise me," she gently pushed Logan off of her to look him in the eyes, "Promise me that you will try."

Try what? He was fine. He felt fine. "I promise," he finally said and his mother smiled at him. He hadn't seen a genuine smile from his mother for a long time, it made him smile too. He wiped her last tears away with his thumb and kissed her cheek, "You won't come in?"

"It's better if I stay here. Go Logan. Be safe."

"Okay, mum. I will wait for you on Sunday."

She nodded, "I love you, my Logie bear," she said and blew him a kiss. Logan smiled and closed the door slowly before mouthing, _I love you, too. _

. . . .

The lobby was quiet. Very quiet. Logan liked that. The library he used to spend most of his time back in his home town was equally quiet. There were two dark grey sofas facing each other, in the middle of the room, with a wooden coffee table between them. On the coffee table he could see some kind of half done paper work, a pen and a cup of a brown liquid – not quite sure if it was tea or coffee – that looked cold. The walls were painted a calming light brown with several frames of old people hanging here and there. Logan turned around and saw the lobby desk. It was wooden and looked really heavy. There was a withered plant on the left side of it. Aha, they couldn't take care of a small plant, but they could take care of humans. Logical.

On the desk he also saw the metallic Manager sign and right under it was a name carved. Mr. Knight.

"Logan, over here," his father called from an open door across the hall. Logan walked slowly towards the room and hesitantly stepped in. The room was small, a tall bookcase against the wall opposite the door which had everything on it but books, a desk with piles of documents everywhere and a serious looking man sitting on the chair behind it. The man looked over his glasses to scan Logan from head to toes with his dark green eyes before he motioned for Logan to have a seat. His father was sitting in the armchair next to him studying some papers with round blue stamps and signatures. _What did I get myself into_, he thought.

"Logan Mitchell," The man read from the paper he was holding and then looked up, "Your parents requested your treatment here. I guess you are aware of that," Logan nodded, "Okay. Before I continue with the program based on your situation and the rules, I am obliged to let you know that since you are eighteen it's not your parents' choice anymore," Logan turned his head, his father already looking at him expectedly. Mr. Mitchell was never the one to throw hard looks at Logan, not until Mrs. Mitchell told him what their son had been going through all these years. Since then, Logan was met with strict, serious eyes every time he looked at his father. Now, he is looking at Logan with sad, pleading eyes, something that Logan sees for the first time. It's heartbreaking.

Logan broke the eye contact with his father and turned to look at the man behind the desk. He was also expecting an answer with raised eyebrows. And wow, they were quite thick.

"I am staying," The only thing in Logan's mind was the promise he gave to his mother minutes ago. _I promise_.

The man only smiled and started searching in the piles of papers. Logan turned to his father. He was not looking at Logan anymore. He was staring outside the window. Logan didn't know what his father expected. Why wasn't he praising him with a smile for making the right choice? The right choice...

"Sorry," the man mumbled as he finished scanning the last pile of papers before reaching for the phone. He dialled a number quickly. Logan looked at his hands in his lap. It wasn't too late to run. He could do it. He could just run out of this room, out of this building, out of everyone's lives.

"Yeah, Kendall? Can you quickly print a registration form, the psychotherapies list and grab a pen too? Can't find mine...Okay, thanks," he hung up.

"Is it fine if I leave now? Do you need me for anything else?" Mr. Mitchell asked and Logan averted his eyes from his lap to look at him. Was he really going to leave Logan there by himself? Then again, Logan was already by himself.

The man behind the desk looked surprised by the sudden question, but he settled, "Um, did you sign those?" he gestured at the papers Logan's father was still holding.

"Yes, here," he stood to hand the papers over with one hand, the other stretched out for a hand shake which the man returned, standing as well.

"We will take good care of your son, Mr. Mitchell."

"Thank you, Mr. Knight." And there was a tiny smile Logan saw, but didn't quite believe. Knight. Right. The manager. Double right.

Mr. Mitchell turned when he reached the door to smile sadly at Logan. Logan did nothing because really, what could he do? He wanted to do a lot of things, like yell, be swallowed by the earth, run, hide, maybe just die? Couldn't he just die?

Logan was still staring at the spot his dad was standing mere moments ago. His eyes slowly fell to the ground, now staring at the grey carpet. Mr. Knight didn't bother to snap him out of his thoughts. Just not yet.

Logan was pretty much thinking of the miserable life he now chose, deciding that he should start thinking of an escape plan if things went terribly wrong. Act normal? But how? He would have to talk and make friends. No good. Pay Mr. Knight to sign a paper that stated he didn't need this treatment and trick his parents? No. Not enough money. Escape from the window of his room overnight? Dumb. They would find out, call his parents and blah blah blah-

Always something has to interrupt his thoughts and that time was a pair of beige Vans right where he was staring at.

"Uh dad I think I- oh, hi!" By then, Logan had already met dazzling green eyes, thick eyebrows, dirty blond hair. And finally the smile. A dimpled one. Glorious. Logan realized he was staring too long so he looked at his hands again, biting the inside of his cheek. The last thing he wanted was to blush.

Kendall cocked his head, still looking at Logan as he walked next to his father – obviously – to hand him the things he asked for. His father thanked him, but Kendall didn't leave just yet.

"Uh, hi?" Kendall more of asked because he was pretty sure the brunet heard him the first time. Unless he was deaf.

Logan was starting to panic. This blond was burning holes in his head with his eyes and that made Logan more uncomfortable. The lump in his throat was growing, it was almost suffocating. Logan figured that if he smiled, Kendall would take it as a greet and he would drop it. So he quickly looked up in Kendall's eyes and smiled a little. Kendall smiled back a big, wide, genuine smile. A smile nothing like Logan's.

There was throat clearing and then Mr. Knight dismissed Kendall. Logan felt a relief and maybe he also let out a sigh that gave it out because Mr. Knight spoke immediately, "Excuse my son, if he disturbed you-"

"N-no," Logan mumbled more for himself to hear while shaking his head. And maybe Mr. Knight heard it and smiled.

. . . .

Logan was officially part of this...community, one could say. After an hour of head shakes, nods, shrugs, whispers of 'yes' and 'no' and a few signatures, Logan grabbed his suitcase, which was left by the office door, and was led to his room by Mr. Knight. To Logan's relief, they walked past the elevators and down a hallway with doors on either side of it. The ground floor was the best if he needed to put his escape plan in work one of the following days.

Mr. Knight stopped in front of a door with the number 16 on it. He fumbled for the keys in his pocket and he smiled when he picked the right one without looking. The manager unlocked the door and pushed it wide open gesturing for Logan to enter first. Logan took a few hesitant steps inside the white painted room. Great. More white walls. In his mind he had connected prison with grey, but now this grey started turning white, but he didn't want to ruin one of his favorite colours...

Logan swallowed hard and walked further in. He lifted his suitcase and put it on a little – white – table by the wall. There was a big window opposite the door which explained why the walls looked so bright. The sun had risen from that direction. Back home, Logan would watch the orange sunset behind the hills, late in the afternoon. That would have to change too.

"Uh, Logan? Are you all right?" Mr. Knight put a hand on Logan's shoulder. Logan jumped a bit but he turned around to meet green eyes. A little darker than Kendall's. Logan shook the thought away and nodded when he really wanted to run away, "Okay. Do you have any razors in your suitcase? Or any glass bottles, perfumes? I'll need to take those," The manager added. Logan looked surprised. He never attempted self harm despite the feeling of relief he knew was hidden behind the action.

Logan moved to his suitcase and unzipped the front pocket. He had thrown his toothbrush, toothpaste, his shampoo, shower gel, his razor and his deodorant in, earlier that morning. He blindly searched for his razor and and handed it to Mr. Knight, "That's it?" he asked and Logan nodded. But Logan shaved everyday. He was about to try to ask when the taller man spoke again, "If you need to shave you'll have to ring me. Just press 1 on the phone next to your bed and a nurse will be here as fast as possible to help you."

"Okay," he answered and nodded.

"And Logan?" Mr Knight asked willing for Logan to look at him and not at his feet, "If you feel uncomfortable or panic or generally, if you need anything, and when I say anything, I mean anything," he emphasized those last words, "Do not hesitate to pick up the phone, or go to your therapist. Anyone. Just...don't stay alone."

"Mm-hm," Logan mumbled and although it didn't sound convincing, Mr. Knight knew about Logan's past and he was somehow sure Logan wouldn't harm himself. Or harm anyone else. So he smiled and patted Logan's shoulders a few times before he turned to leave, only to turn his head and say a few words that brought a smile on Logan's lips. A more or less real one.

"Maybe I should send Kendall to give you a tour of the building. I think you two will get along well."

. . . .

Logan explored his new room and found out there was no washing machine. Was he supposed to wash his dirty clothes in the sink? Or give them to his mum to wash them back home and bring them back to him the following Sunday. He guessed he should really open his mouth and ask Kendall a few things. Maybe they had one of those crowded rooms with all the washing machines in line. What are they called? Laundry rooms? Anyway, just the idea of being around awkward people while waiting their laundry to be done turned Logan's stomach.

Logan organised his clothes – in order of colour – in the wardrobe opposite his bed. The bed was a little bigger than a single one. Odd, but Logan liked it. The sheets were white and the comforter a light brown. There were two night stands on either side of the bed, on the right one the phone machine, on the left one a lamp. On the left of the bed was a big window. The curtains were closed, a thin white material that barely kept the sun's rays out of the room. Logan could see children's small frames running around, rolling on the grass and...what was that?

Logan moved closer and pulled the curtains aside. There was a pool. A big pool with a slide and a diving board. Why would they have a pool? And outside too, which means it will be useless for at least six months a year. Logan rolled his eyes and let the curtain fall back to place. He dug in his suitcase's front pocket and pulled out his bathroom necessities.

As he entered his room the bathroom was on his left, but the door was closed and he didn't notice it until Mr. Knight left. It didn't have a window and Logan made a face to that because from where was the hot steam of his showers supposed to escape?

The tiles were brown, the counter and the sink white. The toilet white too, if that wasn't expected. The shower, thankfully, was big enough to be able to move, but Logan would miss his bubble baths in his comfy tub back home.

Logan placed his things on the counter and walked back to the bedroom, to fall on the bed on his back. Uh, at least the mattress was not too hard. As he lay there he saw a clock on the wall just above the wardrobe. It read 2:13 PM, no wonder why his stomach was growling. Mr. Knight told him about the cafeteria where he would have breakfast, lunch and dinner. In between, he could go and grab a snack from the buffet if he felt like it.

Logan stood up, his stomach guiding him as walked out, locked his door and headed to the cafeteria.

. . . .

"Ugh, where have all the chicks gone?"

James and Kendall were sitting in the cafeteria having their lunch. Actually only Kendall was eating lunch, James was chewing the last bite of his green apple. James always opted for nothing more than fruit and vegetables and since that day the dishes were steak with fries or macaroni and cheese he just grabbed two apples. He was trying to keep in shape because hey, models need to be fit, right?

James was scanning all the tables for any new pretty faces with pretty bodies, but he found nothing. For the past three weeks. That sucked. Kendall rolled his eyes at his friend's comment and continued eating his lunch.

"I mean seriously dude, this place needs to get some new fuckable people," James continued and then tossed the remnants of his second apple in the nearest trash can, "I am bored," he sighed.

"James," Kendall swallowed the food in his mouth, "Can you be serious for a moment? I am not gonna be able to cover up your little adventures all the time. Plus, Jett asked you on a date half an hour ago."

"Yeah right. What is he gonna do, huh? Bring food from here to his room, light two candles and pretend like he cares about me? We will end up fucking anyway so what's the point of all this? Nothing. We can just get to it without all this fake, boring shit."

Kendall shook his head and spooned some more macaroni from his plate, "I don't know, James. When someone asks you on a date, they really like you and want to know you. I bet Jett really likes you. The way he looks at you has changed. He smiles more. And dad told me he is eating again. This thing between you two has been going on for a month now. It's only logical if he fell for you."

James snorted, "He always wants to top,"

"James-"

"He is so arrogant and bossy in bed,"

"James-"

"And he can't really keep quiet which will put me in trouble-"

"James!"

"What?!"

"Relationships are more than just sex, James-"

"And who the fuck told you I want a fucking relationship!" James snapped and hit the table with his fist so hard that Kendall's plate bounced a few times. Kendall threw his hands in the air in defence with wide eyes. He sometimes tried to push James a little bit further just to see if Ms. Kelly, James' therapist, was exaggerating when she said that James has anger management issues too. She was not.

James averted his furious eyes from Kendall and looked around, everyone staring at him. "What!" he shouted and everyone returned to their businesses. James relaxed a bit and his expression softened. Kendall could say that James regretted his outburst, but he wouldn't say anything, he knew better. He picked up his spoon and ate the last bits of his food. As he ate he examined James. The brunet was focusing on each person in the room so hard, like he was trying to read their thoughts. James really cared of what impression he made on people, after all.

Dak was sitting at the table behind them, causing a scene again. He hadn't eaten a thing in three days and now the nurses were trying to force a small barrel of bread past his firmly closed lips. Kendall felt sorry for him. Dak was suffering Major Depression and he had shown no improvement since he started psychotherapies. He had panic attacks almost every night because of nightmares. He tried to kill himself once and since then he has a roommate, Jett.

Jett had a traumatic experience when he was ten years old. His father shot his mother with a gun in front of Jett's eyes. She was dead after the first shot, but he continued pulling the trigger again, again and again until there were no bullets left. Jett was screaming and crying, jumping everytime his father fired. Then their neighbour was there and the police arrived shortly. His father confessed and he was life sentenced. After six years of being a complete wreck, Jett managed to talk again. He was scared of people, scared of everyone. For the past five months he has been treated at the MDC and Kendall could see his improvement. James was the second person, besides his therapist, that Jett trusted. James could crash Jett again in a moment, with a few words and James just didn't care. He had his issues too...

"Fucking hell!" James exclaimed in awe, snapping Kendall out of his thoughts. James was smirking this annoying smirk and Kendall rolled his eyes finally turning to look where James was looking at.

Oh no. "James-"

"Shhh," James cut Kendall and he gestured for Kendall to keep quiet by lifting his index finger between them. James was eyeing the other brunet from head to feet and he was licking his lips and...was he drooling?

"Dude-"

"Who is he?" James asked, eyes still on the other boy who was now making his way to a table, not too close to theirs.

Kendall let out a sigh. If James wanted to know he would find out eventually, "He is Logan. Came in this morning. Tried to greet him, he seems really shy or something."

"Oh really?" James said and Kendall didn't really know if James heard him or if he just said that.

"Yeah. He talks only to his dad, I suppose, saw him too this morning. Maybe to his therapist too, eventually..."

"And to James Diamond," James smirked and licked his lips again.

"James, no," Kendall warned.

"Oh come on, don't you see him? Don't you see that ass? Man, that ass has to be mine-"

"James!" Kendall punched James in the arm and finally James turned to him.

"Hey, what was that for?"

"He is here for a reason, he has issues too like all these people here," he gestured to the tables around them, "Like you."

"Why are you such a mummy, Kendall? Chill out, I just want to fuck him."

"He won't even talk to you," Kendall argued.

"Pft, I want him to moan, Kendall, not talk, so who cares?" James turned to look at Logan again who was picking at his fries, one at a time, dipping them in his ketchup before eating them, "A little swearing would be hot, though..."

Kendall groaned in frustration and looked away, "Whatever."

"Ah, now I get it," James nudged Kendall and Kendall wanted to punch this smirk off his face, "Does little Kenny have a crush?"

"No, James. It's just...just because you are fucked up it doesn't mean that you have to fuck up everyone else as well. You hurt people all the time, you use everyone! God, you are so selfish!"

"Can you keep it down a bit? Everyone is looking at you," James leaned closer to Kendall and whispered, "Logan is looking at you."

Kendall turned to look at Logan who was indeed looking at them. Logan immediately turned his face away from Kendall and focused on his food. He looked very uncomfortable. No, Kendall didn't like Logan in that way. He just sympathized him. He'd like to be his friend, to know what's going on with him, to help him.

Kendall heard a dreamy sigh coming from James, the brunet staring at Logan again. Kendall clapped his hands twice making James snap.

"Damn you," James cursed, "I am still jumping him."

Kendall nodded sarcastically, "He is definitely straight."

"We'll see about that."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Long time no update, I know... I thought I could manage to update both my stories these past two weeks because of my Easter vacation, but no. Sometimes holidays are busier than the usual routine. I was working on this a little bit every day, so here it is. Thanks for all the feedback, everyone! Makes me keep writing. Hope you enjoy!

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When Logan walked into the cafeteria he swallowed hard. People. Everywhere. For a moment he was back to school. Lunch time was a nightmare for Logan, all his classmates, all the students of his school in one single room. He hated that, he'd rather stay hungry a few more hours and go home to eat his mum's delicious food in the privacy of his kitchen. No screams, no giggles, no mocking for being the only one eating alone in the back of the cafeteria. It was easy back then, he had a solution, an escape plan.

Now? Now his mum was 30 miles away and he'd see her once a week. Maybe he could tell her about it and ask her to drop him food- stupid. His mother would just blame herself even more. Logan never told her that he skipped the lunch hour at school. He would explain to her that teenage boys eat a lot because of the age; the phase I-eat-ten-times-a-day. So Mrs. Mitchell would happily serve her son and maybe let him have a refill.

Logan looked around, his palms sticky and sweaty. He skimmed the room quickly. No one was looking at him and surprisingly no one was picking up on him. He hesitantly took the steps towards the queue of people – or patients, whatever – that were waiting to serve themselves. His stomach growled loudly again as the smell of chicken entered his nostrils. His mind was still trying to make his legs move, run away from this room, but he resisted. He could do this. He just had to grab a plate, eat quickly and leave. It was simple as that.

The queue moved fast and on his way he grabbed a bread bagel, the chicken with round boiled potatoes dish and an apple. Logan liked apples.

An old woman in a white robe was standing at the end of the counter holding a pen and a clipboard. Logan gulped. He tried to walk past her, but she was quick to speak.

"Wait up dear!" she called and Logan stopped, feeling rather awkward, "What's your name?"

Speak up, Logan. Swallow this fucking lump and speak. "I-It's-" he swallowed hard. The woman gave him a sympathetic smile to encourage him to speak and suddenly Logan thought loudly, "Why should I tell you my name, I don't know yours."

The woman chuckled and Logan blushed when he realised he'd spoken those words aloud. At the same time he heard someone shouting from the tables, but he ignored it. He was having a. . .conversation?

"It's Pandora Larson, dear," she answered with a smile, "Now tell me yours so I can check you off the lunch list," she gestured to the clipboard in her hands. Logan's grip on his lunch tray tightened.

"I-It's Logan Mitchell," he whispered out for only her to hear and she nodded looking down to her list. She smiled and ticked his name.

"See? Nothing bad about speaking your name. Glad to meet you, Logan. Enjoy your lunch," she happily replied and Logan wondered why is she so happy. How did she manage to not snap at him. He decided he liked Mrs. Larson and he nodded his head, silently thanking her.

Logan walked quickly to an empty table and sat down, placing the tray on the table. He glanced around to see if anyone was looking his way, finding everyone concentrated on their food. He turned to his tray and licked his lips. The food looking delicious, smelled delicious and he was hungry. He took his fork and knife in his hands and properly cut a piece of the chicken to place it in his mouth before a potato joined. It tasted delicious too and he hummed while chewing, quickly starting to cut more pieces of chicken to feed himself with.

". . .you hurt people all the time, you use everyone! God, you are so selfish!"

Logan heard the familiar voice shout from a few tables away. He turned his head to the direction the voice came from and saw a gorgeous, **gorgeous** brunet looking at him while whispering something to the blond opposite of him. Kendall. Logan stopped chewing but couldn't swallow the food in his mouth. The brunet was staring intensively in his eyes and then Kendall turned, confused expression on his face. Logan immediately whipped his head back to his plate, anything to avoid those two stares. He could feel their eyes, though, in the side of his head. He tried to act normal, managing to chew and swallow the food in his mouth. He put another piece of chicken in his mouth and cut a piece of his bread too to join in.

Who was this guy? Kendall shouted something about 'hurt' and 'selfish' to the brunet and Logan thought about it while finishing his meal. Is he a friend or his...boyfriend? 'Cause these were words that a couple could easily exchange upon fights...and they looked like they were having a fight...

Then this brunet guy looked so handsome, muscular, with a flirty smile and intense eyes. Logan took the rest of his bread bagel and chewed on it. This guy's eyes, this stare running through his mind. Logan figured that if this man was Kendall's boyfriend he would never ever beat him. How could he anyway? Even if Kendall was single, how would he ever look at Logan? This pathetic, anti-social, depressive, nerd that Logan was? Impossible, just impos-

"Well hello there."

Logan jumped in fright, almost knocking his lunch tray to the floor. He looked at the man that sat in the opposite seat giving him a surprised look.

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he softly said, his eyes returning to this flirty look. Logan composed himself, sat straight and blankly stared at the brunet, "I am James Diamond. Care to tell me your name?" he asked and leaned closer to Logan, placing his warm hand over Logan's on the table.

Logan whipped his hand immediately from under the tanned one, his breaths turning quick and shallow. That was too close, too forward and too rushed. Okay he maybe liked it a little, but that had nothing to do. James was too...too much.

"Come on, love, aren't you gonna tell me your name?" James pressed ignoring the fact that Logan was having a panic attack.

Logan shook his head 'no' without a second thought. Fast. He needed to get out of there fast-

"...Please?" James was fast to grab Logan's arm before he had the chance to stand up and Logan looked at him, himself pleading for James to let go. But was it really necessary for James to pout like this? Those lips crooking downwards...the only thing he wanted was his name...Mrs. Larson's words came to his mind: _Nothing bad about speaking your name. _Just a word.

"L-Logan," Logan whispered.

"Logan..." James let the name roll off his tongue like a melody, "Why wouldn't you want to say your name? It's so beautiful..." he added smiling wide, his palm softly caressing Logan's arm.

Logan blushed and swallowed the lump in his throat. He looked away and bit the inside of his cheek. This strong hand on his arm was feeling...nice. Logan didn't like touching and he certainly felt uncomfortable with James' actions. In fact he was starting to sweat and he felt his face burning.

"James!" Kendall called the name unnecessarily loud, the blond already by James' side, "What did I tell you?" he hissed through clenched teeth and Logan didn't miss the dark tone.

"Go away, Kendall," James growled.

"No, you are coming with me- Sorry for this, Logan," Kendall apologised and tugged on James' other arm, managing to make him stand.

"Kendall," James warned, the look in his eyes turning from flirty and warm, to angry and dark. Kendall returned the look, a silent fight between their eyes, before Kendall broke the intense moment and turned to smile at Logan.

"I'll come by your room later to show you around," he said and pulled James with him, the larger brunet obviously furious and defeated.

. . . .

Logan was over-thinking. Again. Usually the 'Causes of Heart Attack' would be much more interesting than people, but now he found himself neglecting the book he was reading and thinking other things. Like James...and Kendall. Their possible relationship. How Kendall was going to tour him around the building, spend time with him, talk to him...

Logan gripped the pages of the book tightly. Oh how he wished he could talk to Kendall. Like a normal person. The blond was so polite and sweet to him, he tried to make him comfortable in the cafeteria by taking James away. But Logan was the messed up there...James was just trying to be nice to him, get to know him. Whereas Logan? Logan pushed him away, like everyone else. Like always.

He let the book fall from his hands and onto the mattress beside him, burying his face into his free hands. He had the chance to change here, to make it all better, to make his mother happy and his father proud... How messed up was he, what a disappointment, a waste of time, a waste of life.

"Logan?" he heard Kendall's soft voice followed by a quiet knock on his door.

Logan shot up from his position and wiped away some stray tears that had silently fallen before he went to the door and opened it for Kendall to come in.

"Hi," Logan greeted, looking down, not really comfortable with eye contact.

"Hi," Kendall greeted back and Logan heard the smile in his voice.

Kendall walked in and Logan closed the door. He stood there awkwardly while Kendall went into his bedroom and looked around, "Settled?" he asked, his back on Logan.

Logan replied with a quiet 'yes' which Kendall obviously didn't hear, before clearing his throat and speaking louder, "Yeah."

"This was my room once, you know," Kendall said, surprising Logan. Kendall went over to the bed and sat on the edge, patting the mattress beside him for Logan to sit. Logan bit his lip and went to take the spot next to Kendall, "It was summer, I remember, and the MDC had just opened. I was 11 back then and I thought my parents opened up a summer camp or something," he chuckled to the memory, "I chose this room because of the view of the pool," he smiled and Logan watched him closely, smiling himself at the blond. But Kendall was silent after that, his face turned sad. Logan sat awkwardly, not knowing what to do or say. Suddenly Kendall shook his head, shaking the memories away, smile on his face once again. He slapped his hands on his thighs and stood.

"Are you ready for the tour?" he asked and before Logan had the chance to nod, Kendall grabbed his wrist and pulled him out of the room and into the hallway.

"It was founded in 2006, my parents wanted to name it after my sister, but decided otherwise sticking with 'Mental Disorder Centre'," Kendall rolled his eyes, "So, that's the hall, the lobby's on the right along with the elevators and the cafeteria and on the left the rest of the rooms on the ground floor."

Logan listened to Kendall carefully while they made their way up by the elevators. The Centre had three floors, 60 rooms in total. Kendall kept talking about the facilities and how Logan could keep himself occupied with a range of different activities.

"So, here's the gym. It's not much, but it has the basics," Kendall gestured to his right while they walked through the hallway of the second floor, "And of course the library, in which no one steps his foot in," Kendall gestured to his left and Logan paused, looking in through the glass door at the shelves with countless books marching on them. Logan could see the thick layers of dust on the books, finding that Kendall wasn't exaggerating. He missed his town's library, it had become his second home and every time he wanted to escape the world he went there and studied, read anything that would help him become a better future doctor.

It took a few moments for Kendall to realise that Logan wasn't following. He turned his head to see Logan scanning the library through the doors. He smiled at the sight.

"You like books, huh?" Kendall asked while he approached Logan. Logan gave a nod of his head, the question on the tip of his tongue.

"Does it...d-does it have, uh, medical stuff?" Logan murmured and Kendall's thick eyebrows shot up.

"Um, I really have no idea, I will ask my dad when we get down."

Logan nodded and followed Kendall to the elevators. They got in, the metallic doors sliding closed when Kendall broke the silence, "Are you into that stuff?"

"Yeah," Logan answered, "I want to be a doctor." And okay, that slipped. Logan blushed and looked at his feet.

"No, no, Logan that's wonderful!" Kendall exclaimed, "I am sure you will be the best!" Kendall grinned and it only made Logan blush harder.

The doors of the elevator slid open and the two boys walked out and onto the third floor. Logan looked left and right in the hallway, the doors different, white, old, some had scratches on and no numbers.

"This is the 'Therapy Floor', as we call it," Kendall explained, "Six rooms, six therapists. Who's your therapist, do you know?"

"Um, it's, uh, Ms. Wainwright..."

"Oh you're lucky, she's the coolest," Kendall winked and Logan blushed again. Ah, he needed to stop blushing like this.

"I didn't get you up here though to show you the therapy rooms," Kendall added and walked to the end of the hallway, Logan on his heels. What else could there possibly be on this floor-

Logan gasped.

Wow.

Kendall pulled a key from his pocket and unlocked the glass window door before sliding it open and stepping out in the large balcony. The view, it was breathtaking...

"I know," Kendall smugly said, startling Logan.

The balcony was at the back of the building, facing a massive piece of green land. And he thought that the Centre's garden was big... It looked like they were surrounded by thousands of miles of land with no escape. Far in the distance he could see the sky meeting the sea. How far that must be...

The cool breeze hit the skin of his face and his arms, making him shiver. The sun was slowly descending and Logan couldn't help but marvel at the orange, pink and red lines mixing in the sky.

"I am sorry," Kendall spoke and Logan turned with a raised eyebrow, "About James, I hope he didn't bother you," he explained and Logan looked down.

He shook his head, "It's okay, he didn't."

"If he approaches you again and I am not around, ignore him, he will get annoyed and leave you alone," Kendall answered with apologetic furrowed eyebrows. Logan doubted that the brunet would leave him alone if he ignored him, he would probably grow more persistent like he did in the cafeteria a few hours ago. That's something Logan didn't want but at the same moment he hoped for it to happen.

Logan nodded anyway. He walked over to the edge and looked down. He could see the pool and the benches and some people picking up balls and different toys from the lawn to carry them in.

"It's almost 7, wanna head down for dinner?" Kendall asked and Logan rubbed his belly. Oh he could use some food.

"Okay."

They got in and Kendall locked the window door behind him before they took the stairs, the elevators busy. They were silent, Logan wondering what was Kendall thinking with that face on. Maybe about how he got stuck with Logan, how was he going to get rid of him once they reached the cafeteria, probably wanting to be alone with James. Logan was in the way again. He let out a long sigh deciding that he'd slip from Kendall's side once they walk into the crowded room.

"...Is everything alright?" Kendall stopped and Logan bumped into his back being lost in his thoughts as he was. He blushed and took a step back, eyes on his feet again. He nodded.

Kendall sighed and turned to face Logan. Logan's face burned, what was going on? Why wasn't Kendall moving?

"I want you to know- Logan will you look at me?" Kendall asked not annoyed but a bit hurt. Logan bit the inside of his cheek and closed his eyes for a moment willing to calm down before opening them again and raising his head to look at Kendall, "I want you to know that you can tell me anything. I like you, Logan and I'd like to be your friend if you'll let me to."

Shit. Shit. Shit.

No one has ever spoke to Logan in that way. So sweet and friendly and did Kendall just say he liked him? Logan's heart was beating loudly, he could hear it in his ears. Maybe Kendall was still talking, maybe he had stopped and expected an answer. For all Logan knew he had turned around and started running towards his room bumping into more people before quickly opening his door and closing it. He leaned against it and slid down on the floor.

He cried in his knees and didn't bother to answer when Kendall came after him and knocked on his door to check on him.

Logan felt sick with himself. Kendall treated him so nice and put up with his behaviour and now how was Logan repaying him? By slamming his door in the blond's face because he cared.

Kendall left after a few minutes. Logan moved from the floor to his bed, falling on the mattress and curling up like a ball. Now he could sob all he wanted, he had three pillows there ready to take all the tears and pain.

. . . .

Tack. Tack. Tack.

Logan's eyes fluttered open. It was dark. His eyes hurt and swollen, feeling like they were ready to burst. He groaned as he turned to his nightstand to check the time. He could make out the little figure of his alarm clock but he couldn't see the numbers.

Tack. Tack. Tack. Tack.

Perhaps he was still sleeping. Who cares. He closed his heavy eyelids again and nuzzled in the soft, wet pillow. It felt cool against his cheek but it didn't bother him. He felt relaxed. Alone and rel-

TACK. TACK. TACK.

That was not a dream. Logan's eyes shot open in fear trying to adjust to the dimly lighted room. They stung but he kept them open, his irises widening. This sound was not wood knocking, it was something like-

TACK. TACK. TACK.

-glass. Logan turned on his back slowly and looked over to the window, the lights of the pool coming through it. There was someone there, hugging his body and trying to look through the window. Logan's breathing quickened. Oh God, oh God.

"Logan!" he heard the voice shout in a whisper. Shit, could it be Kendall? Logan shivered on the thought of the blond...why would he- no wait. Logan prompted himself on his elbows and leaned closer. No, this silhouette was taller and larger than Kendall's. It was...was it James?

"Logan god damn it!" he heard him curse and yeah, that was definitely James' voice. He slowly crawled to the other side of the bed and stood. He walked to the window and James looked at him before letting out a sigh of relief. The brunet was trembling, dressed in only a t-shirt and a pair of tight jeans when the temperature outside was below 10 Celsius. Logan didn't really think about it when he unlocked his window and James climbed in his room quickly. He closed the window and pulled the curtain in Logan's surprise.

"Thank you," he said with a smirk.

Logan awkwardly shrugged and gave a quick smile before walking towards the door and switching on the lights in the room.

"No no! You can't!" James shouted and Logan stopped dead in his tracks, "It's past curfew and if they see me again wandering in the hallway they'll make me share a room with some disgusting freak so they can make sure I am in bed in time!"

Logan stared in shock. What if they got caught? Will Logan get in trouble too for hiding James? Most likely. Logan remembers how Mr. Knight emphasized Rule No.3: 'All residents **must** be in their rooms **before **11 PM or else there will be strict **punishment** which will be decided by the management the following day. On the third breach of Rule No.3, the breaker will be moved in with another resident who will be trusted to constantly inform the manager about his roommate's behaviour.'

Oh man.

Logan glanced at the clock on the wall. Almost 11:45. He sighed and shook his head. James was standing there rubbing his arms and pouting.

"...Come on?" James looked expectedly at Logan, still rubbing his arms. These strong, tanned, muscular arms...

With a sigh, Logan nodded his head and James jumped from his spot to close Logan in said arms.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" James said, wide grin on his face. Logan turned into stone, except his heart. The poor organ was beating violently.

James let go of Logan. He stepped back and peeled off his shirt before he undid his pants and pushed them down letting them pool around his ankles. To say that Logan was about to faint was an understatement. He was about to die right then and there. James was almost naked in Logan's room.

James ignored the shocked flustered Logan and stepped out of his pants before picking them up along with his shirt and placing them on the chair by the nightstand. He pulled the covers of the bed and got underneath, pulling them up to his chest.

"So warm," James hummed contently and closed his eyes. For a moment he frowned and turned his pillow over. He smiled again and nuzzled the side of his face in the white pillow.

Logan picked up his jaw from the floor and swallowed hard. This wasn't happening. This wasn't-

"Are you coming so we can turn off the lights? I need my beauty sleep," James murmured and yawned.

Okay Logan, you can do this. You can sleep in the same bed with another man. It's just sleep. Right? Yes. Sleep. Logan yawned. He was tired and his eyes wanted to rest, his mind as well. He looked down to see that he was still wearing his clothes. It's okay, he thought. Just...sleep.

Logan turned off the lights and hesitantly moved to sit on the edge of the bed. He looked behind his back, James peacefully laying there, beautiful even when he was asleep. Logan laid down as close to the edge of his side of the bed as possible and pulled the covers up to his chest. James shifted under the comforter and smiled in his sleep.

The last thing in Logan's mind, before he drifted off to sleep, was this beautiful, sleepy smile.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Hey, hi. I was trying to upload this for the past three hours because of my crappy internet connection. Not much to say, just...we are getting to the good stuff ;) Hope you enjoy!

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"Mr. Knight?" the woman knocked softly on the manager's open door.

"Oh, Mrs. Garcia, come on in," Mr. Knight looked up from his papers and took off his glasses. The woman walked in, small smile on her face.

"I finished with the tables in the cafeteria and I did the lobby too," she informed the manager and he gave a nod of his head.

"Very well, thank you. You may rest for the night," he replied with a smile. Mrs. Garcia bit her lip and walked closer to the manager's desk, the man raising an eyebrow.

"It's past 11...midnight actually and I checked on the boy as I do every night," she nervously replied. Mr. Knight sat back in his leather chair and brought a hand to his chin, nodding his head for the woman to continue, "W-well, he is not in his room..."

The manager hummed, interested in what he was hearing, "And do you know where he is?"

Mrs. Garcia shook her head, "He forgot his door open, but there is no clue as to where he might have gone."

"Very well," he replied and glanced at his watch, "Go rest, Mrs. Garcia, it's already a new day."

And the woman nodded, said 'goodnight' with a smile and left.

Mr. Knight sighed. What an interesting new day that would be.

. . . .

Logan loved the mornings. The mornings at home, the smell of bacon waking him up. He would skip down the stairs and kiss his mother good morning on the cheek. His father would be already seated at the table, newspaper in one hand, coffee in the other. He had no time to enjoy them separately.

Logan smiled at the thought of his family, but he wanted to stay in bed two more minutes...he was going to go down in two minutes...

Logan nuzzled in his pillows and hugged them only to find them uncomfortable. He tried to get comfortable but as more as he moved his head the harder his pillows turned.

"Are you awake?"

Logan hummed. He said two minutes. But wait. This was not his father's voice and definitely not his mother's. He shifted again, telling himself it was a dream and moved his head upwards. That was better.

"Looks like someone missed his teddy bear," the voice chuckled and Logan's head bounced on his pillow.

...What?

Logan's eyes widened, the past night kicking in in a split second. He kicked and pushed trying to get away from the voice, only resulting into getting more tangled in the sheets. He needed to get away, he needed to get away from James-

"OW," he gasped when his head hit the tiled cold floor.

"Watch it man! You almost hit the face!" James said, obviously annoyed. Logan groaned and pushed himself on his feet. Well, he shouldn't be in his bed in the first place!

"Sorry," he mumbled even though it was James that startled him. He rubbed the back of his head willing for the pain to fade away.

Logan looked over to the bed, blush creeping up his cheeks. James was in a sitting position combing his hair with his fingers to smooth it down, frown still on his face. The white comforter had fallen down to his waist, tanned abs and chest exposed. His biceps were flexing by his movements and Logan's mind went back to that night, to that surgeon on the video. He barely remembered his face but he still remembered his body. The same built, same complexion. He remembered the way beads of sweat rolled down his back. How he combed his fingers through his wet hair. How Logan's heart jumped in his chest when the two men kissed and even though he couldn't see them, he knew they loved each other, he could hear it in their voices.

And James had to get out of bed and slide the curtains open before stretching his body with just a black pair of tight boxer briefs on.

Logan bit his lip. How did this happen? Why isn't he running to hide himself? Why did he like being there? Watching the brunet walking towards him with smirk on his face? No, no, no.

Logan took a few steps back, James covered those steps by moving forward. Logan continued walking back until his back hit the door.

"You are so cute when you blush," James said and took one final step, a few inches between their bodies. Logan was panicking, he could feel it, his face, his body were on fire and he could feel himself sweating. The line has been crossed by far.

"P-please," Logan managed to stutter out, turning his face to the side.

"So first you cuddle with me all night and now you don't want me near you? Doesn't make sense baby," James said with a pout which quickly turned into a smirk and took Logan's chin to turn his face forward. Logan swallowed hard, James' face much too close than before, "I just want to thank you."

Even if Logan had the words to respond, he couldn't. James had already pressed his lips on his, Logan's eyes widening. James' lips were so soft, so warm and moving against the shocked brunet's. James' hands found their way to Logan's hips as he slowly started to suck on the smaller brunet's bottom lip and Logan was just standing there, hands hanging at his sides and heart caught in his throat. Logan always wondered what kissing someone would feel like and if it felt like this then he'd take it.

"Come on, kiss me back," James breathed against Logan's lips and licked Logan's lower lip. Logan didn't move his lips, he couldn't and he wouldn't.

But James always took what he wanted.

He squeezed Logan's hips harshly, smiling when he gained the desired reaction from the gasping brunet. Slipping his experienced tongue inside Logan's warm mouth he swirled the wet muscle around, tasting every spot he could. Logan liked that, he liked being kissed and being held like this. Strangely he liked it all.

He felt his body relax and his eyes close. His hands were clenching and unclenching at his sides. James smiled into the kiss Logan not really understanding why until he felt his butt being roughly grabbed. Logan's eyes snapped open and his hands pushed James away, his heart beating like crazy.

What was he doing? What did he just do?

James was watching him with hungry eyes, swollen lips, dark eyes. What scared Logan more though was how turned on he was, how he wanted more of James' taste. How he liked this kiss.

His first kiss.

"P-please l-leave," he muttered out and James licked his lips.

"Do you really want me to leave, Logan?" he asked as he seductively trapped Logan against the door, "Because I can help you."

Logan didn't have time to think what he was talking about, James slipped a hand between their bodies and rubbed Logan's erection through his pants. Logan chocked on his breath and frantically tried to break away from James' body, but James was quick to grab Logan's wrists and pin them with one hand above his head. He smirked and dived in to kiss the brunet's neck, while his hand was still working on Logan's growing erection.

Logan was about to scream when he heard a loud knock on the door behind them. James paused all of his movements. If he got caught like this in someone else's room...well he'd be screwed.

"Logan? Is everything alright? I think I heard banging on the door," the manager called from the other side of the door.

Logan gulped. James was staring in Logan's eyes, pleading. Truth is, Logan wanted to scream for help. He felt like he was being smothered by the brunet and if it wasn't for this knock, who knows where would they be now.

James saw hesitation in Logan's eyes and pulled away leaving Logan a mess against the door. He went into the bedroom and grabbed his jeans and t-shirt from the chair he had placed them on the previous night.

"Logan?" Mr. Knight called again a little bit louder.

"E-everything's f-fine...I-I j-just fell..." Logan stuttered as he watched James getting hastily dressed.

Logan heard keys being jingled and it took him a moment to realize that the noise came from the other side of the door. James heard it too and tugged his top on before sliding the window open and jumping out. He pulled it closed and then turned to wink at Logan before he disappeared.

Logan shook his head and moved from the door just when Mr. Knight opened it. He stood awkwardly by the wall when his scared eyes met the manager's stern ones.

"Logan? Are you okay?" Mr. Knight narrowed his eyes taking in Logan's face and expression, "You don't look very well..."

Well duh, considering the fact that he almost had a heart attack from being molested.

Logan looked down at his feet in an attempt to hide as much as he could, "I-I am fine, sir..."

"I don't believe you."

Oh shit, oh shit.

"I feel a b-bit dizzy...that's a-all..." Logan mumbled.

The manager pondered on the words for a minute, "Go lie down and I'll get a nurse to bring you breakfast in bed."

Logan nodded and sluggishly walked to his bed. He sat down on the edge just when Mr. Knight closed the door. Logan let out a breath he didn't even known he was holding and fell back on the mattress. He closed his eyes and replayed everything that happened to him this morning. He was so confused, everything coming back in a blur. He needed to get everything off his chest and off his mind. He groaned in frustration and stood from his bed. That was all a big mess, his heart hadn't reached it's normal beating rate yet, Logan could still feel James' taste in his mouth and he could still feel his staining erection in his pants. He groaned again and walked to the bathroom...he needed a shower.

. . . .

"You did **what**?" Kendall spat his coffee on the table and coughed a few times.

"Yeah, I slept with him," James repeated with a smirk, very much amused with Kendall's reaction.

Kendall wiped his mouth, green eyes still wide in shock and disbelief, "There is no way. No fucking way this happened."

"Okay, let me re-phrase. I **just** slept with him. You know, the innocent kind of sleep," James waggled his eyebrows.

Kendall frowned, "Are we still talking about Logan?"

"Uh-huh."

"The same Logan? The new-"

"Yes, Kendall! Yes! Why is it so difficult for you to believe it? Everyone falls for James Diamond," James stated and sipped from his coffee.

Kendall rolled his eyes and leaned forward on the table, "How did you even do that?"

"Same old trick. I was late and I had no way of getting in and blah blah. Thanks for letting me know his room number," James winked with a cocky smile which Kendall wanted to punch off his face, "Oh and I told you he is gay."

Kendall crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes, "Being a nice person and letting you sleep in his bed doesn't mean he wants to fuck you."

James rolled his eyes, "His dick was pointing at me, man. He is not as innocent as you think he is, he was just as hungry for this kiss," and James licked his lips at the memory while Kendall almost choke on his coffee again.

"...You kissed?"

"Oh we most certainly did. Next time his ass is mine," James replied with a smirk and Kendall shook his head. There was no way he could stop James if he wanted something. He tried in the past, failed every time. And now that he got a taste of Logan, he obviously wasn't going to give up.

Kendall let out a sharp sigh and sipped from his cup. He turned and scanned the cafeteria for any sign of the brunet. He was no where. He missed dinner because of him, now he misses breakfast because of James. Poor thing, only one day here and he must already detest the place.

. . . .

_...there is nothing I can do about it. Now I know for sure I am a homosexual. I felt it. First with the kiss, then when he touched me...oh God, my first kiss. A total stranger took my first kiss. Why did I let that happen? I should have pulled away. I should! Now I feel the taste of James' mouth in mine and...and I want more of it...I feel so ashamed._

Logan paused his writing and brought his fingers to his mouth, the fingertips gently touching his lips were James had his own. They felt the same but so much had changed about them.

_If Mr. Knight hadn't interrupted this, what would have happened? James is so strong, I couldn't escape...but now I figured that even if I could, I wouldn't...I liked it. I admit it, okay! I liked it. This wasn't supposed to happen this way. I was supposed to go to college a week ago! I was supposed to be studying medicine! I was supposed to be overcoming my problem on my own. Future doctors understand other future doctors. I would've found a cute girl. I would make a start with her and then everything would go into place. She'd make me love her, we would graduate, work at the same hospital, then we'd get married and have kids. I would give my parents the grand children I know they want. And I would make a lot of money to support them too. Buy them a new house, a bigger one, with a back yard and a veranda for them to spend their afternoons, watching their grandchildren play. I could make them proud. I could be the son every mother wants. I could be perfect. But they had to throw me here...because I disappointed them, because I am a failure! Yes that's what I am!_

Logan's sight blurred from the tears. He couldn't see where he was writing or what he was writing anymore. He let his pen down on the notebook and wiped his eyes with his sleeves. His lower lip trembled, his chest threatening to let out sobs. How he wished he was someone else...someone that could just rip the lump out of his throat and the shyness out of his personality. Someone that his parents would be proud to call him their son.

He picked up the pen and wrote one last sentence.

_I hate myself._

He closed his diary and threw it in his suitcase along with his pen. He glanced at the clock on the wall. He should get going to his therapy, Ms. Wainwright will be waiting for him. With a sigh he stood from his bed and on his way to the door he grabbed a paper with the info he needed. He gave an eye roll to the the title: Psychotherapy

When did Logan become a psycho? Okay he was extremely shy, extremely anti-social, an extreme loner. But psycho? No, that he wasn't. He never tried anything funny even in the hardest of times. And now he had to go through this course of therapies in order to be let out of this Centre.

With a groan he turned the door's knob and stepped into the hallway. He could hear chatter and laughs and generally noise from the direction of the cafeteria. Logan took the stairs, not wanting to be stuck into an elevator with a psycho. Not even for 30 seconds.

When he reached the third floor he took a deep breath and walked in front of the door Kendall told him yesterday that was Ms. Wainwright's therapy room. He knocked hesitantly before the door opened wide, startling Logan, revealing a smiling woman.

"And you must be Logan Mitchell," she said and glanced at her watch, "and on time. Great," still with a smile she stepped away from the door rounding her desk and sitting on her chair. Logan was happy there were no questions – for now – and hesitantly sat on the sofa opposite the desk that Ms. Wainwright gestured him to. He handed her the paper and she took it, studying it along with other papers of her own.

"Mr. Knight has filed you under Interpersonal Therapy," she shuffled through her papers. At least her desk was tidier than the manager's, "4 to 5 months."

What?

"Don't make that face, he is very nice to you. Previous similar cases were first sent to Group Therapy and all this procedure took more time."

Okay yes. Logan sweated only on the thought of having to talk about his problem in front of strangers who couldn't care less. He thought he should be happy about this. Sort of...

"Okay," she started looking forward, "I am Ms. Wainwright, but please call me Kelly. Formalities are not necessary and they also make me feel old."

Acceptable. Logan nodded and she narrowed her eyes.

"Have you been crying?" she asked and Logan quickly looked down in embarrassment. Damn his eyes. "I won't ask you why, I just wanna know if you did or not," she said.

"Yes," Logan whispered. Ms. Kelly had her ways and effective ones too. With what she added she made him feel better, not smothered.

"Right," she nodded and stood from her chair, making her way to where Logan was and sat next to him, "I cried too, today."

Logan's eyes that were already forming new tears looked up to her, surprised, "Why?" he found himself asking and strangely it came unbiased.

"We are not here about me, Logan. Did that help you? Did you feel better after crying?"

"Yes."

"Is that the way you deal with whatever upsets you?"

Logan had to think about that. No. It wasn't always that way. He had his mother once. His father too. Then feelings started piling up in him and the only way he could feel a bit better was to let it all out through tears. He never thought about it, it just happened, he just felt the urge to cry and not to hold back. Yeah, he nodded, that's how he dealt with his feelings in the past few months.

She nodded in understanding, "Let's try something else for a change, shall we?" she asked.

"Okay," Logan answered, but he didn't really care. He just wanted her words to distract him from breaking down in front of her. She walked to her desk, grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and returned to her seat. She wrote something down. Numbers.

"Here," she handed him the paper, "That's my number. Next time you feel the need to let it all out, try calling me. I know it's hard, trust me, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to try once you are comfortable."

Logan took the paper and stared at the numbers. Never again had he been offered a number, for help or not. The talking thing was out of the question, though. She might be nice, she might make him feel comfortable, but he'd rather sob in his pillow. Alone.

"Don't think so much about it, Logan," she interrupted his thoughts, "Instead of picking a tissue try picking up the phone next time," she smiled hesitantly.

Yeah, no. He was about to thank her for being nice – but then again this was her job – when a loud knock on the door echoed in the small room.

"We are not done yet," Ms. Kelly called, but the door opened anyway.

"Well well."

Logan's air pipe closed as he chocked on his breath. There was James, leaning on the doorway with a smirk on his face.

"James, I think I was loud enough," Ms. Kelly said, not so calm.

James rolled his eyes at her and turned his attention to the shaking brunet, "I didn't see you at breakfast or lunch today," he pointed out and Ms. Kelly looked at Logan with stern eyes.

"N-not hungry," he shrugged it off, but none of them bought it.

"Logan, come on, tell us the real reason," James smirked and crossed his hands.

"Hold on," the therapist narrowed her eyes, "Is there something going on between you two?" she wiggled her index finger between the two boys and Logan blushed.

"Is there, Logan?" James urged.

Logan shook his head, his eyes everywhere except the other two people in that room.

Kelly grew frustrated by the silence and the unanswered questions ans stood crossing her arms, "If I get no answer I will mention this to Mr. Knight," she threatened knowing James' bad history.

James rolled his eyes again and strolled into the room and behind the sofa where Logan was sweating and blushing wildly, "No need, Kelly," he started, eyes always on Logan and even though he could not see his eyes he knew how big they'd grow after he finished his sentence, "Mr. Knight is the one who moved me in with Logan."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Update and since you've waited long enough for this I am not saying anything else except...review? I don't deserve them, I know, but I need them at this point. Enjoy.

* * *

Logan had walked into his room after the session with Kelly and James' unexpected show up. The first thing he saw was a large suitcase and some small bags scattered around it lying beside his bed. It was true, it really happened. James was his roommate.

After this he ran to the manager's office. This had to be fixed, he couldn't live with James, this one night was more than enough. He knew that James would make his stay hell. More hell than it already was.

"Oh. Logan. I need to talk to you," he heard Mr. Knight's voice as he sprinted down the hall. He turned around to find the manager coming up to him with a cup of coffee in one hand.

"Yeah and I want to ask you something," Logan mumbled as the manager passed by him and entered his office. Logan followed close behind and closed the door behind him. Mr. Knight sat behind the messiest desk Logan had ever seen in his life and gestured for him to sit as well.

"I know what you want to ask, but listen to what I have to say first."

Logan shifted in the armchair fearing that the manager would turn down his request before he even spoke it out. The older man sipped from his coffee cup, scooted closer to his desk and looked at the anxious boy across him.

"Ms. Wainwright told me about the incident during your session. It was a decision I had to make since James Diamond has crossed some lines here," Logan shuddered at the mention of the name, pictures of the morning flooding his head.

"Why me?" he asked in a low voice. This had to be some kind of punishment, an insisting 'why?' playing in his mind over and over. What had he done wrong to deserve this?

The manager leaned on his forearms and clasped his hands, "Look son, my decision is beneficial for you both. The main reason of this move is to keep James under constant surveillance. I chose you of all the patients in here because you have the least psychological problems and because I am giving you a chance to interact. James is a talkative, easy going person and I believe he's the best kind of character that can help you with your situation."

Logan pondered all the prospects. What he wanted was to leave this place and if he had to bear with James -a lot- more than he initially thought or wanted to, then he could at least try. Besides, daily, eight hours were preserved for night sleep, three for afternoon rest, two for therapy and three for meals. The calculations led to approximately...eight hours of James. Everyday. Okay maybe he could spend them all at the library but for now this sounded like a plan to leave this place and James sooner than expected.

A snap of fingers broke Logan's train of thought and set him back to the office, "Logan, are you-"

"Yes, okay," he answered hurriedly, "I will stay with James."

"All right!" the green-eyed manager exclaimed clapping his hands once, "Everything set, off you go."

Logan tripped on his way out and made his way to his room. To his shared room. James wasn't in there fifteen minutes ago and hopefully he wouldn't be back yet. He needed his own space and he had to make his own space. He had to re-arrange his stuff in the closet, the bathroom counter and the bedroom and he needed to do this before James came in.

Logan turned the knob and pushed the wooden door open. Shutting it behind him he noticed James' luggage was still untouched and he smiled to himself. Deciding to start from the bathroom he opened the door on his left. Only the first thing he saw wasn't his toothbrush cup, but a tan, muscular back with droplets of water running down the flushed skin. His knuckles turned white around the knob he was holding, his face was on fire - and all of his body for that matter.

James was wrapping a towel around his waist without turning around. Instead he used the slightly foggy mirror to look into the frozen brunet's eyes.

"If I knew you'd be coming so soon, I would've waited for you," he smirked in the mirror as he raised his hands to finger-comb his wet hair. Logan choked on his own spit at the wet flexing muscles and stumbled backwards closing the door as he did. He stayed there for a few moments trying to calm his breathing and cursing himself for agreeing with the move.

. . . .

Moving James in with Logan was like setting the wolf free into its prey's home. James played off a little bit of drama at the manager about not having his privacy and freedom anymore. This manner made Mr. Knight more sure about the decision. Little did he know that James' main target was Logan and _not_ Jett.

After deeming his hair sexy enough, James splashed more water over his chest and abs, the drops already rolling down his skin and disappearing under the towel hanging low on his hips. He gave a wink to his reflection and turned around to enter the bedroom. The little brunet wouldn't be able to resist for much more, he just had to find a way to attack him again without anyone around to interrupt them.

Rounding the corner he saw Logan on the bed, sleeping, but James wasn't so sure about that.

"Logan?" he called as he walked over to the bed. On his way he noticed that Logan's clothes weren't scattered over the chair anymore. The books on the nightstand were packed away, save for the little alarm clock.

He walked to Logan's side and sat carefully by the sleeping form. The brunet's breathing became quicker and shallow, James' lip tugging to a crooked smile as he leaned over Logan and blew air on his mouth. Logan's lips tightened into a straight line as James leaned over him more. Their faces were mere inches away and James used some seconds to take in Logan's features. The now quivering lips, the eyes that moved frantically under his lids, his nostrils almost flaring and his cheeks that were coloured a cute shade of pink. James never took the time to appreciate the other person's face. It was something useless and time consuming. After all, this face could be used for other things. Things that were more fun.

James pecked Logan's rosy nose and moved to stand above his visibly shaking body. He smiled at the way the smaller brunet reacted at his presence as he unwrapped the towel and let it fall on the floor. The gentle noise of the action made Logan suck in a breath and turn on the other side, facing away from James.

James frowned. Never before has anyone denied a naked James anything. He walked around the bed and lied down, facing Logan. He was still playing Sleeping Beauty and James was too hard for this shit. He grabbed Logan's hand and brought it over his erection, the organ twitching at the contact. Logan was on the verge of a panic attack, James could say, but he wasn't giving up his act. James smirked and closed his fingers around Logan's which closed around his dick, making the bigger brunet hiss and moan. Logan's hand was warm and shaky and everything James needed at that moment. He moved his hand up and down, his eyes fluttering at the sensation, his body moving closer and closer to Logan's. Everything was heavenly until James decided to return the favour. Once his big hand made contact with Logan's clothed crotch, the brunet backed away with so much force he hit the floor. James hissed at the loss of Logan's hand, not fully comprehending what went wrong yet.

Logan groaned in pain and James crawled to the edge of the bed looking down at the squirming brunet.

"You liked it," James stated and Logan turned to look upwards, still in a panicked and pained expression.

"W-what?" Logan asked trying to crawl away from the bed.

"You like my dick. You like touching it," James clarified and Logan shook his head frantically.

"I-I don't k-know what you- what you're t-talking about," he stuttered and scooted further away until his back hit the window.

With an eyeroll James got off of the bed and walked in front of Logan. The panicked turned his head to the side trying to avoid James' erection that stood hard in front of his face.

"Mm-hm, yeah, okay. Will you finish what you started?" James asked smirking, taking his shaft from the base and bobbing it a few inches away from Logan's cheek. Logan swallowed hard and shut his eyes in an attempt to avoid answering, "Or maybe I should just come on you face..." James pretended to think about it, smiling wider and wider at Logan's reactions.

"_James! James, open the fucking door!_"

And here's the interruption. Kendall. Who else?

James picked the towel from the floor and wrapped it around his waist as he walked furiously at the door. Before he could even open it properly, Kendall stormed in and closed it shut behind him.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" the blond hissed and James glared at him.

"What the fuck do you think **you **are doing?" Kendall sighed and rolled his eyes annoyed before turning towards Logan who now stood awkwardly beside the bed. James crossed his hands over his chest and watched Kendall mumbling to Logan something and Logan shaking his head in response. Then he walked to the window and closed the curtains before glaring at James again.

"It could have been my father instead of me, do you know that?"

"Well, it wasn't your father. Now, leave."

"I will leave, but you will apologize to him."

"You. Fucking. Cockblock."

"Oh, so you think I would let you assault him? In front of the window! James, he is not Jett! Or Tony, or Jason or anyone of your cheap fucks."

James huffed and turned to look at Logan, the boy looking at him with a mild expression, playing with his fingers awkwardly. James could feel Kendall's green eyes piercing his head and turned to look at him again.

"He wants me. Everybody wants me."

Kendall rolled his eyes and gave him one last warning look before leaving the room. James stared at the door for a minute or two cursing Kendall for ruining everything. He turned to Logan who was now sitting on the edge of the bed, still looking at him.

"Logan, I know you are gay. Or bi, I don't know. But you definitely like cock. So why are you resisting? We're gonna be in this damn place for God knows how long and I am offering you the greatest fucks of your life. And who the hell says no to sex? Only you! And Kendall! We have a room to ourselves and we're gonna waste it like that?" he threw his arms up in exasperation and stared in Logan's eyes expecting an answer.

Logan shuddered a breath and stood from his bed to walk towards him. James saw fear in his eyes along with something else, something like..._desire_. Logan stopped in front of James. He opened and closed his mouth several times causing James to raise an eyebrow, but he didn't say anything. He closed his eyes, took a breath and finally spoke.

"I want you to kiss me again."

. . . .

Hazel eyes stared into chocolate ones in disbelief. Logan barely recognized himself. Yeah, sure he wanted to feel James' lips again, the intensity of his first kiss and even more if he has to be honest. He liked that, he really did, but to ask for it? He never thought he would. Hell, he never thought he _could_! That's why he took a few steps back, his words spinning in his head like a hurricane, his face ready to explode from embarrassment. And James' cocky smile wasn't helping one bit.

A moment of deja vu played between them as James leaned in and Logan took a few steps back, the back of his knees hitting the mattress. James didn't stop so Logan had to sit on the bed to avoid his face.

"Oh, don't go away from me," James smirked while straddling Logan's lap, "You said you want it," he whispered in Logan's ear causing the smaller brunet to take a sharp breath through the nose. James was right, so why was he laying back on the bed to avoid him? James copied Logan's movement, soon hovering over him, breathing in what the other breathed out.

It was this moment, the moment the surgeon and the cameraman kissed. It was a blur in Logan's mind, but he could still remember how his heart did this erratic beating and how his body reacted. He wanted this, he wanted to feel like this even though he never knew this feeling himself. It had come back now, it was there, ready to explode and when James finally crashed their lips Logan closed his eyes and welcomed the sensation.

It wasn't like the first time, it was slow and soft and Logan soon found himself wanting more. He raised his hands that were limply lying by his sides and placed them on James' shoulder blades, slowly sliding them up, over the few water drops that remained on the brunet's hot skin to tangle his fingers in the wet hair.

James shifted on top of Logan and moaned against his mouth. It was then that the smaller brunet opened his mouth, his lower lip already numb from James' nibbling, that he felt his heart doing that out of control and rhythm beating again. He felt James' tongue enter his mouth and Logan met him there. As if the closeness wasn't enough, the hands tangled into the brunet's hair pulled him further down, their noses digging into each other's cheeks. James smiled and Logan felt it, the battle of tongues turning into one of teeth, gasps and moans as the two males devoured one another.

Big, warm hands were flat on Logan's chest, slowly sliding down the fabric until they reached the waistband of his jeans. Logan squirmed, his grips tightened, but James worked his mouth in just the right ways and relaxed him. The skilled hands slid under Logan's t-shirt and back to his waist, right over the pair of back dimples. Logan's mind was on overdrive, logic fighting feelings and blurring his mind even more when James' hot mouth started to leave a trail of wet kisses down his throat. The hands around his waist made him back his hips up causing their crotches rub perfectly. James moaned behind Logan's ear, grinding into Logan's lap continuously, relentlessly.

"You're an animal, Logan...gonna fuck you so hard, baby," he breathed, "Gonna make you scream."

"No, J-James, stop!"

James would have continued, he would have taken what he wanted if it wasn't for those surprisingly strong arms pushing him away. Logan pushed James to the side and snaked away from him.

A kiss, that's what he had asked for.

James looked at him confused and still flushed from all the previous actions and Logan couldn't speak. They don't know each other at all, they only met yesterday and they have made out twice! James was looking at him like a hungry beast and Logan had turned into one himself for the past minutes. James was using him, manipulating him, Logan couldn't even control his mind with James around, he couldn't think straight, he turned into someone he couldn't recognise. Without another thought he ran out the door and down the hallway. It was lunch time, strangers walking in and out the cafeteria, chatting, giggling, looking at him or looking away from him.

He turned and took the stairs up until he reached the third floor. He glanced around at the doors, no one in the hallway, finding the rest rooms and making a dash to them. He couldn't see the knob, he couldn't see the sink or himself in the mirror. He could just hear his sobs and think, _I am going crazy._

_. . . ._

"He blue balled me," James hissed as he banged his tray on the table making Kendall jump in his seat, "Again!"

"What?" Kendall asked trying to catch up with the fuming brunet.

"Logan! This little bastard! He left me with a hard on and no ass! Unbelievable!" he stabbed his broccoli and shoved it into his mouth, chewing angrily.

Kendall rolled his eyes and relaxed in his chair, "I take it you didn't apologize."

"**He** must apologize! He turned from a wild lion into a scared bunny in zero point two seconds!"

"Who turned into a scared bunny in zero point two seconds?"

Kendall turned his head towards the man standing beside him while James paused his chewing.

"Hi, Jett."

"Hi Kendall. James' not talking to me?"

"No, no, I am." he swallowed his food and gave a charming smile which Kendall recognised as the 'you are the last person I wanna talk to, get the fuck away now thank you' smile.

"No welcome kiss?" Jett gave the puppy eyes and then closed them while leaning down.

James rolled his eyes and Kendall nodded towards Jett the 'get over with it' gesture because he was the one looking around to catch any nurse's eye looking their way or worse; his father. James gave a peck to the awaiting puckered lips and turned his back to resume his lunch. Only Jett wouldn't take that. He swung an arm around James' neck and sat comfortably on his lap.

"What are you doing!" James yelled annoyed, trying to push Jett off of him.

"I have been planning our date for the past two days so everything is perfect and safe and I knock on your door to surprise you only to find it vacant. Why didn't you tell me you moved out?"

"The third warning, duh. It's your fault basically."

"My fault? We are doing this together James. Plus, I haven't been caught, so obviously it's your fault."

James was losing his tempter more and more as the seconds ticked by. He clutched the fork in his hand tighter and tighter, his short nails digging into the flesh of his palm, his knuckles paling.

"Guys, break it off now, we're in the middle of the cafeteria and I can't really pass you off as 'just friends' if someone sees you," Kendall interrupted having seen James' reaction and trying to prevent an explosion.

"Well we are not 'just friends', we are friends with benefits and that's soon going to change, right baby?" Jett turned to James, his fingers drawing random shapes on the brunet's neck.

James really wanted to stab Jett with the fork in the gut and he had to try very hard to actually contain himself and not do it. He forced a smile and gently pushed Jett away giving a little nod as he did so. "Right."

Kendall had warned James a billion times about this day, the day that Jett would get emotionally attached to him and demand exclusivity, but the brunet kept going in deep. When Jett asked James on a date a couple of days ago he thought he could push it. Yeah, okay, James didn't really like Jett but if he gave an _actual _relationship a chance, maybe he could start counting on emotions. And Jett was already getting better since he fell for James so why not give it a try?

"Oh James, what room are you in now?" Jett remembered to ask as he was walking away.

James looked at Kendall for a split second, the blond giving him an exasperated glare. If he gave the wrong number then he would be screwed, if he gave the right number he would be screwed twice. And there was Logan in the middle. Logan... He wants James, he just needs a little push... And what if this little push is _jealousy_?

"Room 16, baby." he answered with a wink which Jett returned before he left the cafeteria.

When James turned to resume his lunch, a smirk came on his face as he saw from the corner of his eye Kendall face palm and when Kendall face palms it means _fun_.


End file.
